Origin Story

When Adam and Eve went to the world
left the garden
moved residences, changed zip codes
cast out, thrown out, banish'ed. 
The cousins weren't there.

They would have embraced their neighbors, had there been any.
Had there been any, they would have welcomed all
    as they had welcomed every bug, bush and bird in the garden. 
They might have called their neighbor Jo, hiya Jo!
and though that wasn't it, it would take, because Adam and Eve a knack for naming things.
just right.

But they were alone, after getting fired from tending the Garden
They were alone and when we see them
our hearts go out to them
and we want to wrap them in blankets and
say there, there and help them and love them and
show them all that will come.

When we go to them with blankets and cheer
they will know us at once
for any of us here look so much more 

like them 

than anything there did 

  or in the garden
bipedal hominids - family. 

Written September 2012

Farewell!

Please forgive me for turning into the person I sense I will. One who laughs and cries, but also gets very angry. One who doesn't express impatience appropriately. Who's stress engine is set to maximum, and startles at every noise. Frustration to the max. You will find me unbearable. I sense I will move from intense emotion to intense emotion, with never a break, never returning to the quiet cave I realize now I live in. It sounds exhausting. Your friend is turning 15 years old, the worst of the years. May 16 and 17 arrive quickly! I do feel now - I feel with my eyes but I don't cry. I feel with my shoulders, a tightness in my chest, a tenseness in my lips. My breath expresses feeling - I hold it, then let it out with a gasp. I feel in concrete packets, and in a narrower band. But then feelings calm and move away. I'm able to push it all aside. Yesterday I had a taste of it, I think it was stressed out anxiety that I couldn't bear, and I was glad for it to go by the afternoon. Why would I enter a world I can never escape?

But first this Donna wants clarify that *I* care? Perhaps it doesn't matter - that's it will be in the past? Have you seen it my eyes enough times to believe? Will there be some nice memories to cherish, even when I change into someone new? I couldn't have gone this far without you. I prayed for you nearly every day. I committed to myself to be your friend the rest of my life - though I'm sure I didn't meant it to be ending now. You don't have to put up with me, though I hope you do.

You have been such a good friend, Reha. Know that. You have been such a good friend.

Thank you for helping make this The Greatest Summer. Its been fantastically magical. Your influence has helped at many turns. I don't know why your just being you helps me, this Donna, so completely. You have the spirit. You have deliberate calm. You respect me. You act respectfully toward your family. You live life like a working marathon not sprinting too fast, just keeping moving with steady practiced steps. You live the life I was raised to do and I didn't think anyone actually did. But also when you teach there is a part of me that really listens to you. The week you teach of healing, I heal. Many of you one-liners the Spirit uses to pound into my heart: This Is True. When you told me to be nicer to myself that seems to have started a two week dramatic transformation that leads me here, now, saying good bye. You have helped me improve my life to the point that now its time to get difficult again.

The Lord has taken you with me on this little journey. Remember how compelled I said I felt with all those crazy things - that letter from my personalities, getting in your car after your run and having nothing to say? I've trusted you, and forced my way past the socially appropriate conversational boundaries that I know you'd prefer. The Lord has been telling me all summer: I'm making you into something more. If we stay friends, and its a big if that relies heavily on your unending patience, perhaps one blessing is to the chance watch with me. I make note of the nut job you took to the Broadway theater. And we'll see where it goes. 

And I Gave You Drink, Rest, Strength and Let You In

Bore my testimony yesterday and it wrapped into a nice structure I'd like to share here. Of course its better live, with the pragmatics to expound , and with the Spirit to help feel it. First I explained a little about being sick, homebound, and then out of the habit of church. That the bishop worked with me, but not until May called me to start doing things [about last September, and then as First Counselor in November or so] that I started to actually attend church again. Then I explained:

When I took the sacrament for the first time after a while, when I took it I didn't realize my soul was so thirsty for it. When I went to Sunday School, and Relief Society, and Sacrament Meeting I didn't realize my mind was so tired of the garbage [choked up, then and now] I'd been feeding it. When I worked in my calling I didn't realize the Lord would strengthen me so. I've been going to the temple lately, and I had forgotten that this is where everyone wants to be, this is the feeling that everyone is searching for. So close to heaven, and the Lord.

So thank you everyone for nourishing and supporting me. The church is  true. And I closed in the name of Jesus Christ.

Grace without Works is Dead

Works play an important role in Mormonism. King Benjamin says redemption creates in you a desire and ability to serve well. But, he goes on, we can talk ourselves out of it - its a tenuous state this state of being changed. He spends quite some time warning us not to lose the zone, and concludes with the warning to watch our thoughts, words, deeds, ensure we're keeping the commandments -- all those works I'm familiar with. Alma, speaking about which seed to plant, finishes with the fact that we are judged by our works (which is to say not our beliefs). But first there is grace so we can do the works. The Rock of the Savior is a sure foundation, but we keep jumping off it, and must repent to get back on. This is a much more complicated interaction that I was raised to believe -- that is the Evangelical Christians gave God glory and got saved, and I kept the commandments and ... (its a long list). I still have the list! And now I get to give God glory and get saved. King Benjamin concluded with a plea that we remember to remember the things he taught of the Savior. That most of all. That first of all. And especially all the rest.

I notice that in the 10 years since I first noticed this and started to be seriously bothered that the Church has noticed too. In 2004 these things were hinted at. In the 2012 April Ensign Elder Bednar openly discusses grace, and how we can think about it without setting off our We're-Not-Cross-Bearing-Christians alarm. And then openly expounded on the power of the atonement in ways I've never thought and perhaps even goes beyond what we learn in the Book of Mormon (I think, though I haven't been paying close attention it turns out). The Sunday School lessons that drive me crazy will be re-written soon enough. The more we speak of these things the smaller our Cross-Bearing Alarm will sound. I believe the Church learns, in the way a person learns over time. The ability to say, "We don't know" to things we once thought we knew shows maturity. The simplifying of the gospel message from the central powers reveals a refining process as The Church has more experiences, met more people, traveled to new and exciting places, and been challenged in its beliefs. As we all continue to read the Book of Mormon we learn more and more of the Savior, teach each other more and more of the atonement, and pretty soon that is what the Church teaches. Indeed what does Moroni (or is it Mormon) say on the front plate what the Book of Mormon is for - to teach the Gentiles of the Savior. Mormon saw our day (or was it Moroni?) and maybe he saw that the Latter-day Saints wouldn't get it at first. So he gave us this book to teach us. The Lord is merciful in our weakness.

King Benjamin - The Steps to Receive and Retain a Remission of Sins

I want one day to explore each of these steps that King Benjamin discussed - looking for scriptures through out the standard works that repeat and expound on him. And maybe I will. But for now I'm running out of time. I think King Benjamin said to:

Come to a knowledge of the Goodness of God
Awaken a sense of our nothingness (especially in comparison to God)
Learn of the Savior in detail, and believe it
Repent and receive a remission of your sins
Remember the greatness of God
Remember your nothingness
Call on the Lord daily

Don't talk yourself out of doing good
Repent of the things you do wrong
Give to the poor (give both temporally and spiritually)
Watch yourself (thoughts, words, deeds)
Keep the commandments
Continue in the faith of what ye have heard of the coming of the Lord (that is, all of Mosiah 3)

It seems that the details of the Saviors life matter in this process, that we actually dwell on the details. I want to point out that staying saved includes keeping the commandments, serving, thoughts, words, deeds - so there is works, at the end. But, but, but also in retaining a remission of sin is continuing the dovetail interaction seeing the goodness of God and our nothingness in comparison. "If I served you as King, how much more does God serve you." "If you keep the commandments, then God blesses you and you are still in his debt. He is doing this all the time. Its a foundation for him, not a step he passes through. This thought process turns you to the Savior for further redemption, clarifies the thoughts, words, and deeds we will be judged on, gives you more fodder to give God glory.

Elder Richards' Final Challenge - Helaman to His Sons

In my previous two posts I reviewed the first two challenges that Elder Richard's gave in the October 2004 General Conference. Which leads us to:

My third invitation to you is to find out what Helaman asked his sons to remember and then to teach those things to your children. I’ll help you this much. Read and ponder Helaman, chapter 5.

Answer: Helaman 5:6-12

Helaman instructs his sons in two sections. The first he explains that their names, Nephi and Lehi, are purposefully referring to the original Nephi and Lehi. He hope his son's study the ancient's lives to live as the good men those fore fathers did. He warns them not to do good things to boast, but to lay up treasures in heaven, and obtain the precious gift of eternal life. I see from this that it matters what we do, and the attitude that we have, and who we choose to model ourselves after. I was beginning to worry after this journey of challenges.

He then teaches of the Savior. Which is to say man can only be redeemed by the atoning blood of Jesus Christ. Who will redeem them from their sins (not in) because of their repentance. He sent angels to Amulek to declare the glad tidings of repentance. And finishes with a wonderful scripture about "it is upon the rock of the Savior that ye must build". Which is all I remember, beyond the words "Remember, Remember" and which aren't actually in the scripture at all. A scripture I have always tried to memorize, but haven't been able to. Perhaps because I focused on building, and less on the Rock. On "must" and "build" and less on Redeemer, or Christ, or Son of God - which all must carry different meanings to Helaman. Or I focused on the horrors the devil can bring (exciting stuff) rather than "foundation". These words I could have thought of, or tried to memorize, and would have served me better.

Elder Richards' Challenge - Alma's Actual Seed

In my last post I briefly discussed Elder H. Bryon Richard's first challenge in his October 2004 General Conference talk.

My second invitation to you is to discover specifically what the word, or seed, is and plant it in your heart. You will have to go to Alma, chapter 33 to find it. When you do, your faith will take on a whole new dimension.

Answer: The entire chapter teaches. The words "mercy of God" appear over and over, but its specifically about The Son of God and his saving power. Alma quotes two prophets, teaches of another, and summarizes his thoughts four times. The first series of scriptures talk of a merciful God who hears prayers and saves his people in all situations of adversity. It goes on to explain that God can do this because of his Son. "..thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me." (Only the word sincerity is footnoted in that quote.) Shockingly (and I mean that with sincerity) this is not about prayer, or all the situations that I could pray in, or the importance to pray sincerely. Somehow this is turned around to be about Jesus. Zenos points out God's mercy in the specific situation of a God who can comfort we imperfect mortals when we go to him in prayer because of Jesus. Alma zeros in on a broader application of mercy.

Alma 33:12-13 .And now Alma said unto them: Do ye believe those scriptures which have been written by them of old? Behold, if ye do, ye must believe what Zenos said; for, behold he said: Thou hast turned away thy judgments because of thy Son.

In the second series of scriptures Alma quotes one verse from Zenock, then points out that Zenock's people would not understand and actually stoned him to death. This is what Zenock warned:

Alma 33:16 For behold, he said: Thou art angry, O Lord, with this people, because they will not understand thy mercies which thou hast bestowed upon them because of thy Son.

(The only word footnoted is the word will, as in they will not understand). I feel this applies to me. There is something within me fighting so hard to resist and misunderstand the mercies that come from the atonement.

Alma teaches of Moses and the rod with the snake that the people could be healed if they only looked ... we know this story. Probably because it involves people either looking or not, and hardening hearts or not. And it has the word slothful. I was afraid to see what I'd missed in this familiar scripture, but I discover the lessons have taught me this represented Christ and "look to God and live" (which probably isn't even in this scripture but that's what I think of). But do I think of live as much as look. Do the words believe and  heal pop as much as harden? What is it to cast about your eyes? We talk of a hardened heart but what of the opposite? What is it not to harden? Well it turns out its dangerous stuff because we don't read it, at least I don't remember reading it. If we read it we don't study it. (though someone has studied it, because, although it has the word works, many other words are footnoted, happily). The opposite of hardening your heart is simply to believe.

Alma 33:21-22 O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish? If so, wo shall come upon you; but if not so, then cast about your eyes and begin to believe in the Son of God, that he will come to redeem his people, and that he shall suffer and die to atone for their sins; and that he shall rise again from the dead, which shall bring to pass the resurrection, that all men shall stand before him, to be judged at the last and judgment day, according to their works.

This, then, says Alma is the seed. I think the seed is to cast your eyes toward the idea of the Atonement (there I am glossing again) and simply believe it. Believe in Jesus. There. But no, that's not it! Believe in every single thing that Alma explains in Alma 33:22, separately, with its own merit. Which are:

Believe that there is a Son of God
Believe that he will come
Believe that he will redeem his people
Believe that the reason he will come is to redeem his people
Believe that he will suffer and die to atone for the sins of his people
(The one above is long, must be important)
Believe that he will rise again from the dead
Believe that his rising will bring the resurrection
Believe that all men will stand before him
Believe that all men will be judged
Believe that there is a last judgement
Believe that men will stand before the Son to be judged
Believe that judgement comes according to men's works.

That, all that, that is the seed of Alma. Its nothing less (and probably more). All that believing. Its not about praying at the right time in the right way (which I do think), or hardening hearts or not (though I've really enjoyed our Sunday School discussions of it), or sloth (which I worry about, sometimes), or looking (comes up), or exercising your will incorrectly (quite concerns me). Its about believing (which I never do) very special and powerful ideas the likes of which work magic. (in that spectacular and seemingly illogical way found in world of grace).

And at the end, at the very end, after believing so many things, (and if we believe them, then do time), is it time to consider men's works. Lots of stuff has to come first.

Elder H. Bryan Richards Challenge - Stripling Warriors

Elder H. Bryan Richards, October 2004, General Conference, was sneaky in the way he presented the atonement - pointing to very popular Book of Mormon stories, and then sending listeners to the Book of Mormon to discover it for themselves. Only the Book of Mormon can bring Latter-day Saints to Christ. We have such a powerful filter against traditional Christianity that if you speak the words to us, we filter them; if we read it in the Bible, we slide past them; if you sneak it into the hymnal, we skip it. But reading it in the book, with the typeface, on the pages, by the people we love so much makes us pause. (Hopefully).

In the spirit of Helaman 5:10, answering a question left hanging from the past, I will look up the answers to his questions for us. Here is challenge one.

My first invitation to you is to find out what [the Stripling Warriors'] mothers taught them.

Answer: Alma 56:47 - if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

My works-based eyes read the importance of not doubting. Do Not Doubt. My grace-based eyes read of a wonderful God who will deliver us. So its okay to go ahead, to not doubt, because God will deliver.

Hear Their Words

One time while reading Alma 29:1-2 I again struggled under the pressure to try to be like Alma, and wish to be a missionary so strongly that I wanted to fly about the sky proclaiming the gospel. Follow his example. But it couldn't. I was thinking about the web and how its so many people shouting but no one listening. So I decided to listen to Alma, clearly he wanted someone to hear. This is what Alma says:

 Alma 29:2 Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.

Did you know that is the wish of Alma's heart?

So I looked for other men in the scriptures delivering words that clearly are particularly important to them.

Mosiah 17:14-15 (Abinidi) And now when the flames began to scorch him, he cried unto them, saying: Behold, even as ye have done unto me, so shall it come to pass that thy seed shall cause that many shall suffer the pains that I do suffer, even the pains of death by fire; and this because they believe in the salvation of the Lord their God.  

 1 Nephi 17:14 (14-54) (Nephi) When Nephi stretched for his hand to shock his brothers he had spent a long time testifying of the power of God to deliver the righteous. The last thing recorded he heard from the Lord before the trouble with his brother and eventual command to shock them was this:  Yea, and the Lord said also that: After ye have arrived in the promised land, ye shall know that I, the Lord, am God; and that I, the Lord, did deliver you from destruction; yea, that I did bring you out of the land of Jerusalem.

Mosiah 3:5-7 (2-23) (King Benjamin) As King Benjamin stood with trembling limbs, having proclaimed his son king and exhorted his people for 41 verses, he remained standing and trembling to explain what an angel has revealed to him. This continues for 21 verses. For behold, the time cometh, and is not far distant, that with power, the Lord Omnipotent who reigneth, who was, and is from all eternity to all eternity, shall come down from heaven among the children of men, and shall dwell in a tabernacle of clay, and shall go forth amongst men, working mighty miracles, such as healing the sick, raising the dead, causing the lame to walk, the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and curing all manner of diseases. And he shall cast out devils, or the evil spirits which dwell in the hearts of the children of men. And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.

Alma 5:3-7 (Alma the Younger) When Alma felt so moved to preach to the people that he gave up the judgement seat and committed to the church full time this is the first thing he taught:  I, Alma, having been consecrated by my father, Alma, to be a high priest over the church of God, he having power and authority from God to do these things, behold, I say unto you that he began to establish a church in the land which was in the borders of Nephi; yea, the land which was called the land of Mormon; yea, and he did baptize his brethren in the waters of Mormon. And behold, I say unto you, they were delivered out of the hands of the people of king Noah, by the mercy and power of God. And behold, after that, they were brought into bondage by the hands of the Lamanites in the wilderness; yea, I say unto you, they were in captivity, and again the Lord did deliver them out of bondage by the power of his word; and we were brought into this land, and here we began to establish the church of God throughout this land also. And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, you that belong to this church, have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea, and have you sufficiently retained in remembrance his mercy and long-suffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently retained in remembrance that he has delivered their souls from hell? Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them.

Alma 46:13, 18 (Captain Moroni) The Title of Liberty created, and before setting out into the land: ... he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land ...Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions.

Joseph Smith History 1:17 (Heavenly Father) Having waits 2 millennia for the restoration of his church, and facing his future servant, who would open the final dispensation before the end of time, He utters this first: This is my beloved Son, hear him.

King Benjamin - I Still Don't Get It!

I've been thinking about King Benjamin's words for weeks. Writing about it for days. Finished up some blog posts and published. And yet I feel I still have no idea what King Benjamin taught. I suspect the core of King Benjamin's talk is Chapter 3, which I've jumped over in my thoughts. I go from 2 to 4, and back. Comparing what comes before and after this thing called redemption. The angel says what he will tell King Benjamin will fill him with glad tiding of great joy, and it will fill his people with joy, and this, in its entirety, is what the angel said. I look over it and find the words difficult to read for I think I already know them! I glance over and think, "Okay, its about Jesus." I'm sure there must be more so I look again, "Okay, its about his life." Isn't there more I can see? "Born, yadda, yadda, yadda, um...salvation, remission, (noticing the highlighted words).....hey there's the natural man scripture, my favorite this side of Ether 12:27, 37, what's that doing there?"  Those are still my thought, even though I've been doing this on and off for hours. Can you read these words without starting to skim? Every single one? Isn't there something there that I can apply to what I've been noticing in the rest of King Benjamin's talk? Could this be what the people clung to for the rest of their days. Is this the mystery that King Benjamin said he would reveal?

But I can't SEE it.  I don't know how to study Jesus. I don't know the questions to ask, or the realizations to make. All roads in King Benjamin's talk lead to and from this part, to and from Jesus. Perhaps I could explore what about this section connects to and creates the other parts? Or something? Anything. I've skipped over the Jesus bits too much in my religious eduction. I'm not saved, how can I be saved when this is not my favorite chapter.

Alma 3:5-23
5 For behold, the time cometh, and is not far distant, that with power, the ^aLord ^bOmnipotent who ^creigneth, who was, and is from all ^deternity to all eternity, shall come down from heaven among the children of men, and shall dwell in a ^etabernacle of clay, and shall go forth amongst men, working mighty ^fmiracles, such as healing the sick, raising the dead, causing the lame to walk, the ^gblind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and curing all manner of diseases.

 6 And he shall cast out ^adevils, or the ^bevil spirits which dwell in the hearts of the children of men.

 7 And lo, he shall ^asuffer ^btemptations, and pain of body, ^chunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can ^dsuffer, except it be unto death; for behold, ^eblood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his ^fanguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.

 8 And he shall be called ^aJesus ^bChrist, the ^cSon of God, the ^dFather of heaven and earth, the ^eCreator of all things from the beginning; and his ^fmother shall be called Mary.

 9 And lo, he cometh unto his own, that ^asalvation might come unto the children of men even through ^bfaith on his name; and even after all this they shall consider him a man, and say that he hath a ^cdevil, and shall ^dscourge him, and shall ^ecrucify him.

 10 And he shall ^arise the ^bthird day from the dead; and behold, he standeth to ^cjudge the world; and behold, all these things are done that a righteous judgment might come upon the children of men.

 11 For behold, and also his ^ablood ^batoneth for the sins of those who have ^cfallen by the transgression of Adam, who have died not knowing the ^dwill of God concerning them, or who have ^eignorantly sinned.

 12 But wo, wo unto him who knoweth that he ^arebelleth against God! For salvation cometh to none such except it be through repentance and faith on the ^bLord Jesus Christ.

 13 And the Lord God hath sent his holy ^aprophets among all the children of men, to declare these things to every kindred, nation, and tongue, that thereby whosoever should believe that Christ should come, the same might receive ^bremission of their sins, and rejoice with exceedingly great joy, even ^cas though he had already come among them.

 14 Yet the Lord God saw that his people were a ^astiffnecked people, and he appointed unto them a ^blaw, even the ^claw of Moses.

 15 And many signs, and wonders, and ^atypes, and shadows showed he unto them, concerning his coming; and also holy prophets spake unto them concerning his coming; and yet they ^bhardened their hearts, and understood not that the ^claw of Moses availeth nothing ^dexcept it were through the ^eatonement of his blood.

 16 And even if it were possible that little ^achildren could sin they could not be saved; but I say unto you they are ^bblessed; for behold, as in Adam, or by nature, they fall, even so the blood of Christ ^catoneth for their sins.

 17 And moreover, I say unto you, that there shall be ^ano other name given nor any other way nor means whereby ^bsalvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the ^cLord Omnipotent.

 18 For behold he judgeth, and his judgment is just; and the infant perisheth not that dieth in his infancy; but men drink ^adamnation to their own souls except they humble themselves and ^bbecome as little children, and believe that ^csalvation was, and is, and is to come, in and through the ^datoning blood of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent.

 19 For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyields to the enticings of the Holy ^fSpirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnatural man and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

 20 And moreover, I say unto you, that the time shall come when the ^aknowledge of a ^bSavior shall spread throughout ^cevery nation, kindred, tongue, and people.

 21 And behold, when that time cometh, none shall be found ^ablameless before God, except it be little children, only through repentance and faith on the name of the Lord God Omnipotent.

 22 And even at this time, when thou shalt have taught thy people the things which the Lord thy God hath commanded thee, even then are they found no more blameless in the sight of God, only according to the words which I have spoken unto thee.

 23 And now I have spoken the words which the Lord God hath commanded me.

Messed Up

Only the most broken and messed up people would be driven to blog about the ability of the Lord to deliver us. Would blog with such drive. Hello, that's me. 

Alma and the Waters of Mormon

I just finished posting my claim that many of what we traditionally consider King Benjamin's exhortations are in fact promised blessings from accessing the power of the atonement, when I found myself in Sunday School reading Alma exhorting the same sorts of things:   be willing to bear one another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort. I thought, "Huh, maybe its not as simple as I thought?" But after a quick check I found the following scripture immediately before describing an important part of the process these people had gone through.

Mosiah 18:7 And it came to pass after many days there were a goodly number gathered together at the place of Mormon, to hear the words of Alma. Yea all were gathered together that believed on his word, to hear him. And he did teach them, and did preach unto them repentance, and redemption, and faith on the Lord.

This is Mormon abridging. I'm assuming after having laid out all of King Benjamins words about repentance, redemption and faith on the Lord, and then immediately laying out all of Abinidi's words on the same topic, he felt he didn't need to specify Alma's words. We should have gotten it. I wonder if Mormon is saddened to be the name of the people that have so diligently avoided what is clearly one of his most precious ideas - the atonement.  

The Best Things are Free

Through the past week I mismanaged my money, and didn't get funds transfered around like I needed to before the weekend. Saturday night I discovered that I'd managed to drain my checking and max my overdraft suddenly as several recurring expenses, checks, and purchases all hit at the same time. I finished Saturday with -82 cents available. Its strange and uncomfortable to think about not being able to pay for anything for a few days.  Mostly I tried to hang tight until I could get the funds shifted around this week.

Sunday I remembered that I'm suppose to get my temple recommend and the sweet thought hit me: a temple recommend doesn't cost any money. 

Name That Scripture

When I run into scriptures at church that make me feel particularly guilt ridden or seem difficult (or when I get bored of the discussion), I glance around the chapter we're studying to see if there are any scriptures relating to grace, the Savior, the power of God for deliverance that we're skipping. Inevitably there are. For example, below are snippets from in and around the Scripture Mastery Scriptures that Seminary students study and memorize. I've bolded the phrases relating to accessing the power of the atonement. The bolded phrases don't capture everything the scriptures are trying to say, or even their main point. I want to point out that its in there, so near where we're focusing.

You get a point for each famous scripture you can identify (even vaguely).  HINT:  they are all Seminary Mastery Scriptures for the Book of Mormon.

1.   ... that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down....  answer

2.  (HINT: this ends a verse before the Seminary Mastery Scripture) 

         ... he did cry from the morning, even until the going down of the sun, exhorting the people to believe in God unto repentance lest they should be destroyed, saying unto them that by faith all things are fulfilled—Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.     answer

3.  ...if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.    answer

4. ... but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by ...   answer

5. But behold all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.   answer

6. And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.     answer

7.  ...all things are written by the Father; therefore out of the books which shall be written shall the world be judged. (you lose a point if you aren't really familiar with the answer either)    answer

8.  ... save he shall prepare a way...  answer

9.  Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.  Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, I will declare unto you my doctrine.  And this is my doctrine, and it is the doctrine which the Father hath given unto me; and I bear record of the Father, and the Father beareth record of me, and the Holy Ghost beareth record of the Father and me; and I bear record that the Father commandeth all men, everywhere, to repent and believe in me.    answer

10.  (HINT: this ends three scriptures before the mastery scripture) 

But, behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the crosses of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall inherit the kingdom of God, which was prepared for them from the foundation of the world, and their goy shall be full forever.  O the greatness of the mercy of our God, the Holy One of Israel! For he delivereth his saints from that awful monster the devil, and death, and hell, and that lake of fire and brimstone, which is endless torment.  O how great the holiness of our God! For he knoweth all things, and there is not anything save he knows it.   And he cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam.   And he suffereth this that the resurrection might pass upon all men, that all might stand before him at the great and judgment day.   And he commandeth all men that they must repent, and be baptized in his name, having perfect faith in the Holy One of Israel, or they cannot be saved in the kingdom of God.   And if they will not repent and believe in his name, and be baptized in his name, and endure to the end, they must be damned; for the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has spoken it.    answer

Score: 1-2    A+            You've been paying attention and working hard      
           3-4    Dean's List    You learned your scripture mastery perfectly.

           5       Master's Degree   You've studied on your own

           6       PhD           You're a Book of Mormon Scholar, with a focus on Grace -- let's do lunch!

           7+     Fail             You have perfect recall that you've put to good use, or you cheated. I don't believe you grasp this any more than the rest of us.

And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry

Mosiah 4:11-16

In the war between works and grace in the LDS doctrine, an early grace pioneer, Colleen Harrison, placed Mosiah 4:14 in the battlefield. She disagreed with the traditional interpretation that this scripture described actions parents needed to take (what I will call a should). Rather she claimed it described what parents would become after a change in heart (lets call it a shall).

She accused the Latter-day Saints of misunderstanding the order of things - thinking what we have to do to come unto the Lord is in fact what we get when we reconcile with him. In fact, so often in the Book of Mormon the exhortation to reach out to the goodness of God falls right before what we call a commandment that she accused us of simple dyslexia, reading things in the wrong order. Moving back a few verses to Mosiah 4:11 we find a list of shoulds, it even uses the word. We should remember God, remember our nothingness, remember God's goodness and long-suffering, humble ourselves, call on the Lord daily, stand steadfastly in the faith that Jesus will come. A check list for the mind. In fact Mosiah 4:11 ends a nice list of shoulds beginning Mosiah 4:9-10 (though really winding through the entire speech). Believe in God and his wisdom and power. Believe that we must repent. Once you can believe it, then do it. Things for the mind to work out.

Mosiah 4:12 begins a list of shalls, which again uses the word. Again, I claim that these things shall happen after one has repented and cast our nothingness onto a faith in Jesus' redemptive power, as described int the verses above. The rewards of becoming changed.

Mosiah 4:12 And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

These blessings are the fantastically wonderful things what I would expect: Happiness, staying saved, understanding God as you walk with him. Unlike the blessings of  Mosiah 4:14 (where we started) which are not what I would expect. The verse between connects the list solidifies for me whether Colleen Harrison's claim is true.  Mosiah 4:13 starts with "ye will" which in English can be either a command (you will clean this up or else), or a result (first clean up your room, and then you will get your allowance.) When I look at what verse 13 says will happen, its the things I would expect as a result of the preceding verses: having a desire to live peaceably, take care of each other. How can verses 14 and 15, (and in fact 16) whose form perfectly matches the preceding verses be anything but a continuation of the list?

Mosiah 4:14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.

Mosiah 4:15  15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

This is difficult to wrap my mind around. Being able to better take care of your children (actions) is the same sort of spiritual blessing as being able to always rejoice and love God (attitudes). But it is so. It has to be. I doesn't make any sense for anything else! We are dyslexic -- all we have to do to become like this is do the stuff before. What was that stuff in Mosiah 4:9-11 again? I can't remember, do you? Wait, we just covered this part in Sunday School. Unfortunately a Sunday School lesson written in the time of the works philosophy has to jump over all the confusing grace stuff, and land on this fairly insignificant point in Kind Benjamin's speech. Its a shame.

Onward

I feel driven to write even though I'm mad at God. I know I'm wrong and he is great and good and kind and loving. Its important now to talk about grace.  My heart will catch up soon enough. 

Crummy

Mormon 2:11-14

Sometimes I think we have a cruel God. Turn to him with an open heart and he hands you weakness, trials, suffering. Why? "This is what you asked for, to come closer to me." Yeah, but why! I feel the spirit and start to follow and everything is roses and blessings. So I commit on a higher level "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" Then, bam! Don't be a missionary, instead take these pills for the rest of your life. Finally re-committing, "I will follow you, Lord, I will follow!" Bam! Years of loneliness in this sad little city. Yet again, "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" And this time, a one-two punch of new diagnoses. How many more ways can we find that my mind is broken! Why would you even make a person like this! I feel like I'm being shoved to the ground, with a knee on my back, forced to bow down, forced to grovel. If I do as King Benjamin suggests and find my nothingness on my own, will this stop? I want to think its so, but I don't trust the cruel path of discipleship. If I do bow down what horrible thing is coming!!

Will I be a Mormon 2 or a Mosiah 4? That is the question that faces me tonight. One day I will feel contrite and purge this from my record. But for now: it stays!

Mosiah 4:5-12

Friends

My dear friend Reha this week gave me the best Sunday School lesson. She departed from her usual style, of speaking little and asking questions lots. She had a lot to say. Abinidi, dear Abinidi.  I wrote down everything and and have read it each night (all two), trying to learn it. Some of my best friends have formed through time spent in Sunday School and Relief Society lessons. We just don't have any other time, but we can see each other, learn of each other, build each other bit by spirit-filled bit.

The Mystery of King Benjamin

Mosiah 2:9

When King Benjamin asked his people to not take lightly his speech, I've never noticed before why he wants their attention:

that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view.

The mysteries. The mysteries of God?! What people spend their entire lives searching for and don't find? The secret to life. Those mysteries?

What are they?

Sculkers

I'm not a Mormon Mommy, but I feel some rub-off pride:
http://www.salon.com/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs/singleton/

Sunday School Discussion

Every Sunday School the 'what abouts,' and 'think of this,' and 'yes but its seems' map a web of subtle course corrections creating what the lesson will be about. How is it possible this room of amateur gospel scholars can reconvene week after week without their disputes building into permanent multi-generational rifts? Rather, in just 45 minutes, agree? Personally I'm pained when the lesson goes wrong. I squirm. My hand pops up. I want to fix it. In that moment it wouldn't take much provocation to get me to fight, to storm off in a huff, to leave the church. Its serious business getting the lesson right. Then so very often a neutral "Okay" from the teacher pacifies me. It seems fine, dandy and normal at the time but now I look back and think its impossible such a meager bone could satisfy me. Mostly I simply forget, letting it fall away into the petty oblivion it belongs. But when do we actually put petty disputes of opinion into the oblivion they belong?

Its the Spirit! The Comforter, calming our minds. I'm slower to anger and quicker to forgive. So when the teacher says, "ok" as in "at least someone is participating" then I am ok, as in talked back down from the ceiling. Which lets me come back for more. The Spirit provides a buffer around the comments I say and hear. The process made easier by a group trying to bring the Spirit. When, in a huff, I decide to read the scriptures rather than hear the words I'm probably not being clever just prompted. So often I find something fascinating in the reading. I don't think I want discussions anywhere else, not safe. People say Sunday School is so pointless and why not rid ourselves of it. I think maybe not.

The Leaders of the Church aren't perfect - and that's okay

 I taught a fun Relief Society lesson (Teachings, ch.6) that helped me tease out why its okay to place such a great amount of faith in the President of the church, and other leaders. Even though there's (sometimes disturbing) evidence that they're human. When we say to you "follow the prophet", we're saying put your faith in the man who:

• has integrity and humility - the kind of man the Lord can work with
• has a determination to carry the message to all the world - the Lord grants our righteous desires
• was prepared for this role ("specially prepared, specially taught, specially equipped)
• is surrounded by leaders who share his determination and faith
• is a holy man - in other words men who are "set aside for a sacred purpose"
• will receive from Heavenly Father "the strength, power, wisdom, judgment, and inspiration to talk to Israel as they need to be talked to"
• presides as a representative of Heavenly Father 
• is sustained by the Lord
  

We are not relying on his perfection but in the fact that the Lord is working with him. The class made the greatest list, this just a portion. Reassuring.