Mormon 2:11-14
Sometimes I think we have a cruel God. Turn to him with an open heart and he hands you weakness, trials, suffering. Why? "This is what you asked for, to come closer to me." Yeah, but why! I feel the spirit and start to follow and everything is roses and blessings. So I commit on a higher level "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" Then, bam! Don't be a missionary, instead take these pills for the rest of your life. Finally re-committing, "I will follow you, Lord, I will follow!" Bam! Years of loneliness in this sad little city. Yet again, "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" And this time, a one-two punch of new diagnoses. How many more ways can we find that my mind is broken! Why would you even make a person like this! I feel like I'm being shoved to the ground, with a knee on my back, forced to bow down, forced to grovel. If I do as King Benjamin suggests and find my nothingness on my own, will this stop? I want to think its so, but I don't trust the cruel path of discipleship. If I do bow down what horrible thing is coming!!
Will I be a Mormon 2 or a Mosiah 4? That is the question that faces me tonight. One day I will feel contrite and purge this from my record. But for now: it stays!
Mosiah 4:5-12
Sometimes I think we have a cruel God. Turn to him with an open heart and he hands you weakness, trials, suffering. Why? "This is what you asked for, to come closer to me." Yeah, but why! I feel the spirit and start to follow and everything is roses and blessings. So I commit on a higher level "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" Then, bam! Don't be a missionary, instead take these pills for the rest of your life. Finally re-committing, "I will follow you, Lord, I will follow!" Bam! Years of loneliness in this sad little city. Yet again, "I will follow you Lord, I will follow!" And this time, a one-two punch of new diagnoses. How many more ways can we find that my mind is broken! Why would you even make a person like this! I feel like I'm being shoved to the ground, with a knee on my back, forced to bow down, forced to grovel. If I do as King Benjamin suggests and find my nothingness on my own, will this stop? I want to think its so, but I don't trust the cruel path of discipleship. If I do bow down what horrible thing is coming!!
Will I be a Mormon 2 or a Mosiah 4? That is the question that faces me tonight. One day I will feel contrite and purge this from my record. But for now: it stays!
Mosiah 4:5-12
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